Monday, August 16, 2010

A series of firsts

I've been thinking about starting a blog for about a year now and was too lazy to get it going until this summer. So this is my first post for my first blog and I'm as excited as all the first graders about to start school, no seriously, this is epic! Since its my first post I thought I'd yap about another notable first I've had this summer. Summer 2010 has been an extreme roller-coaster in my life. I honestly think I should change my name now, or at least change my name on Facebook because I can barely recognize myself! Life went from a big confusing mess last semester to the greatest it has ever been ever ever ever. In June
I decided to give God a chance to run my life since I realized I was making a mess of things and He did.
 <Basic Background> I've always been a Christian, born into a Christian family that was very active in a church and trained in the way that I should grow... blah blah. I'd even been saved and baptized all on my own but there was always something missing. I felt like I wanted a relationship with God more than He wanted one with me. It was like, God talk to me, why aren't You here, why cant I feel You the way I want to, aren't You supposed to want this more than I do? So I felt disappointed in God. I mean, I obeyed Him for the most part and still loved Him and knew of His power but I felt that He was a very distant Almighty God.
 In college I fell off the God train somewhere during my freshman year and made more than one bad decision, but felt that I was still right with God (funny how that works). Luckily, all bad things also come to an end, and so to cut a long story short, God rescued me before I could find out just how deep I was stuck and then showed me what I had been allowing to happen to my life. At a low point I talked to a Pastor and his wife at church telling them I wanted to make sure that I was actually on the right path with God now and they encouraged me to re-dedicate my life to Him completely. So I prayed, I told Him exactly how I felt without the flowery language and asked Him to take over. The waterworks were turned on full blast. And I meant it. And He did it. He did this thing called 'restoring the joy of my Salvation' and its the best feeling ever. As a Christian its easy to forget the joy of Salvation, or in my case, ever see there being any joy in being called to live this deprived life of solitude. What I found out this summer is that the lie that the devil uses to stop potential Champions in Christ from going for their destiny is this : Your life is going to suck. And because we see a lot of horrible examples from a lot of so-called Christians we buy into the scheme of Mr. Lucifer forgetting that the very same God told us that His burden is light (Matthew 11:30). It sounds blasphemous but the fact is, we don't think that God is telling us the truth. Yes, its the mother of all oxymorons, but we believe that God is lying when He says that we will be happy and everything will be fine (Psalm 128:2). 
When you decide to leave the things of the devil, we all know what they are, and follow God, not just believe but actually follow God, its hard. Its like breaking a habit, for example I decided this summer that my Facebook addiction had to go and cut it out of my life for about a week and then after that checked it only once a day for no more than 20 mins. It was excruciating I'm telling you, I felt like an addict, I always had a reason why something couldn't wait till the next day but I stuck to it. Dropping things that are a more personal part of your life are a whole lot harder, but here's the thing, His grace is sufficient for you. PERIOD. There is no easy way out of a bad habit except to stop it now, the longer you wait the worse the separation process, but either way, you have the King of every King there ever was telling you, promising you that He will be there by your side to carry you through if you do your part. Amazing grace. And it was pretty hard for me to accept it. I used to consider myself a very self-sufficient person and so the idea that I messed up and God was just so in love with me that He was going to come and clean up my mess and then treat me like a princess without any sort of punishment was, as the psalmist says, too lofty for me to attain (I wasn't able to get it). I read Isaiah 1:18 (google it right now) and wept my eyes out. I mean honestly, who am I that He should care that much?? Then I realized that I never felt that God was there before because I was expecting His presence in my life to be as a return of good things I did and absolutely no faith. So I started a new journey; accepting grace and having faith. 
This was supposed to be a little insight on my life, it wasn't supposed to be this long lol. But you will have to forgive me, its my first post, keep reading!

1 comment:

  1. This was such an excellent post and one that applied/applies to my life too. Everyday I strive to make sure my walk is right. I loved this "fell off the God train... and made more than one bad decision, but felt that I was still right with God (funny how that works)".
    May God give you the grace to continue to walk with Him and to let Him be the captain of your ship. It's the best way to be.