Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Dancing Off-Beat

“... but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers.” Psalm 1:2-3

I read it, and the jealousy stung. I felt like such a total striving lunatic. I didn't know what I was doing. Here I was chasing after the wind, looking for God in the works of my hands, finding application for Him in the various things I had going on. Instead of being hopelessly delighted with Him, dancing into the plans He had for me, I was trying to get across the dance-floor without listening to the music, totally off-beat, into nothing exciting, anxiously looking over my shoulder every once in a while to see if the Lord of the dance was still there.

“Teach me, and I will be silent; make me understand how I have gone astray” Job 6:24

I remembered a time when I didn't have to see where He fit into things, because He was the thing, and everything else found its place in Him. I blamed it on school. I thought about what a week in my life looked like: classes, research, eating, phone conversations, browsing the web, homework, grading, thinking about working out, remembering to pray, and going to sleep.

“I am the Lord your God, who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17

I felt so sad. Was the Holy Spirit given in such a dramatic turn of events so that I could zombie through life, doing my part to keep the system going, and doing the bare minimum to make it to heaven? There was nothing abundant about my life. Joy wasn't overflowing. I had gotten caught up in all the things He had given to me, and lost sight of Him, and now nothing had value. But my busyness was real. There were tangible things that needed to be done. So did God fill my life with things in order to lessen the depth of His relationship with me? Aren't we supposed to go from grace to grace, and from glory to glory? Surely the sign of growth in my life was to see an increase in God’s presence, not a decrease. So why was I running around doing things, being tired, feeling guilty, and not able to pass the glass ceiling to “come up higher” like I felt God calling me to?

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:7

I was so frantic at the thought of getting things wrong in the spiritual arena that I probably couldn't have heard the voice of God even if He shouted. 

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:7

What if I’d lost Him? What if I was never able to walk in step with the Spirit again? What if I was going to be stuck having a monotonous life, being a church attendant with no personal relationship with God, no growth and no impact?

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:7

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to son-ship.” Romans 8:15

I wasn't seeing God for who He was – faithful, loving, patient, long-suffering, not out to punish but out to help. Yet in spite of my lack of insight, here He was, calling me again. I began to realize that the situation wasn't a sorry loss, but the exposure of a hunger. The pangs of a deep thirst for the Spirit of God and my need of a major dunking into the sea of His grace. Instead of settling for less than I have been given, I want to live in the fullness of what Christ bought us by the shedding of His blood, and by sending the Holy Spirit. I don’t want to see the promises of God on the pages of a book, hear the testimonies of His love, marvel, and then walk away into some subservient life. And He doesn't want that either. But if His grace is to flow into all areas of our lives, we have to be filled with it, and to be filled with it, we have to give ourselves first to Him, then to Him, then to Him, then to Him.

Break up your unplowed ground. For it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you.” Hosea 10:12

Friday, July 26, 2013

Girl in Montréal

I just got back from Quebec (as in 2 hours ago) for a science conference - the 46th annual conference of the Society for the Study of Reproduction. I took and edited (with my phone) lots of pictures, to share the beauty of Montréal. Enjoy!

Graffiti is outstanding expression, so different from the vandalism that is usually associated with the name, that you want to call it something else – like street art. Mission Old Brewery (left) and La Maison Hantee (bottom)

You certainly won't run out of reminders of the Brit reign.

On Saint Francois Xavier street.
What appeared to be a rustic dining experience. It's the little things. And the iron things. And the big blue things.

Reminiscent of an old era where men sat in carriages and women wore long flowery dresses. 
And look, a reflection.

Beautiful architecture. I make sure not to go into these buildings for fear that I'll find that they are modern-day offices...

        Colorful old building.    

 hjhgghgikuuihluihihiohiohohhbhjhjhhbhbuihliuChinese Catholic Church.

In the Palais des congrès.

Walking a beautiful city alone, wishing you were here.

Thursday, February 14, 2013


If broken rocks and glass and things

Can be the shimmering bed of oceans

Then I can be like strings for your fingers

And you can make me lovely

If the dawn is drowned by shadows

And the water is dark like the sand, like the birds, like the trees, like the air

I can color your bland evenings

While we remember what it was to drink sun rays by the river together

We have been weathered by many storms

Into a subservient mortal romance

And instead of bursting through the cracks

Of the rocks when we crashed

We lost momentum

Watered down

Until our tears surrounded us like a stillborn stream

But I beg you to unearth the divine love

That can set us ablaze again.


If I were to lock up my affection

No prison has enough rooms

If I were to pour out my shatteredness

No cello has enough anguish.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Paula Patton Doppelgänger

Robin Thicke's beautiful wife has a lookalike. Unless I'm just way off, they look almost EXACTLY the same!

Paula & Alison Sweeney (The Biggest Loser, Days of Our Lives)

Monday, January 14, 2013

YHWH (Short poem at midnight)

Who can come into Your Presence?
Yet we thirst after you like a desert
For You are like the spring rain
Like a new day
You are a radiant Sun
And out of Your hand Your people are satisfied
Your Word is our only deliverance
Your eyes light torches of fire in the souls of men
And by the breath of Your mouth we kiss Life
Most Holy God
Who can compare with You?